The Irken of the Opera
by Nondescript
Summary: *finished* I love The Phantom of the Opera (both the production and the novel). I also love Invader Zim, and this is the melding of those two loves. Slightly ZAGR, but one-sided. Much of the monocle thing was my brother's idea.
1. Gaz Sings Opera

Irken of the Opera  
  
Author's Note: I'm going to loosely follow the Broadway production version of Phantom of the Opera in this fic, totally disregarding the novel, although it's very good as well. Please excuse me if some characters seem a little OOC at times and if I don't exactly follow the plot of Phantom of the Opera - doing my best to work with both. ^_^  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own anything from Invader Zim or Phantom of the Opera.  
  
Zim - the mysterious Phantom of the Opera  
  
Red and Purple - the Almighty Owners of the Opera House  
  
Tak - the prima donna  
  
Gaz - opera singer (assuming she ran away from home and had to do SOMETHING to earn money for her new systems and games)  
  
Dib - playing himself, actually  
  
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Act 1  
  
(You see Red and Purple standing center stage, each holding a brainfreezy and looking up at the ceiling at a gigantic, glimmering new chandelier. Let's give each a monocle, just for fun.)  
  
Purple: (somewhat discontent) I don't like it!  
  
Red: (giving Purple a sidelong glance) We didn't buy it so you could LIKE it! We bought it to show off how great this opera house is going to be now we're the owners. Soon, we will have the best opera house in the universe!  
  
Purple: WOOO! (hesitates and glances around a bit before saying in a quieter voice) But, uh, what about the rumors....?  
  
Red: What rumors?  
  
Purple: You know - the rumors the previous owners told up about the (dramatic pause) Phantom.  
  
Red: (chortles) Yeah, right! Like there's a masked weirdo living in the abandoned labyrinths that just happen to be under the opera house. (starts to cackle)  
  
Purple: (also beginning to cackle) Yeah, that's just stupid! (they laugh for a while longer, eventually doubling over and wiping tears from their eyes) The performance is about to start - let's go eat food!  
  
(Red and Purple walk off the stage together. The audience begins to seat themselves, and Dib arrives. He sits in a balcony seat and begins to examine his program *is actually looking for Bigfoot.* He doesn't notice as a girl walks on the stage with a disgruntled expression on her face. She looks as if she hates being there, but begins to sing nonetheless)  
  
Gaz: (singing) Think of me, think of me fondly when we said goodbye.....  
  
(Dib looks up when he hears the voice and stares wide-eyed at the girl, who I might add is singing with both fists clenched. In once clenched fist she holds a scarf)  
  
Gaz: (singing) Remember me once in a while. Please promise me you'll try. When you find that once again you long to take you heart back and be free - if you were to find that moment, spare a thought for me.  
  
Dib: (grapples his head as if it is about to explode.) Could it be? Could it be GAZ?!? Man! I never thought I'd see her after she left home - and she's singing! (shuts his eyes as if in severe pain and then opens them again to stare at his long-lost sister) Singing good! Brain - can't - comprehend! (falls over.)  
  
(All this while Gaz has continued singing. Yes, she is surprisingly good, but that doesn't mean she's happy doing this.)  
  
Gaz: (singing) Promise me that sometimes you will think of me! (with this final line she finishes the song and storms off the stage as the audience explodes with cheers and applause.)  
  
Dib: (finally recovering from his utter shock and horror) Gaz! This has got to be unnatural! (gets a determined look on his face) It's time to investigate!  
  
(The scene changes so you see Gaz in her dressing room. Despite its wooden construction it looks amazingly like a trailer. She stands there, scowling, as a sickenly cute girl approaches wearing a pink ballet outfit.)  
  
Girl: Oh Gaz, you did so well! Tell me, what is your secret? Who is your new tutor?  
  
(Gaz walks to her dressing room door and glares at the girl. Scary music begins to oppress the air. The girl is frightened and runs away screaming. A hint of a smile, more of a smirk, passes Gaz's lips as she walks back into her dressing room.)  
  
Gaz: (sitting on her bed, talking to herself) Dad once said that singing lessons might be good - might help with my respiratory system or something. I didn't really care - and I still don't! But if singing those (she cringes) songs will buy me games... (she shrugs as she picks up her GameSlave2 and begins to play.)  
  
Zim: (hidden from view) Uhh! That filthy DIB human! He was here - and I just know he's going to stop the UNSTOPPABLE fist of the PHANTOM! Insolent BOY! Ignorant FOOL!  
  
Gaz: (continuing to play her game) You're voice is making me sick!  
  
Zim: (still unseen) YOU! You will not complain about my MAGNIFICANT voice! I am a genius! An almighty musical genius!  
  
Gaz: Go away!  
  
Zim: Have you forgotten? The better you sing, the more filthy Earth money you receive - you need my lessons, and oh, the lessons I will give!  
  
Gaz: (sighs) Oh, fine. (sets down her GS2 and stands near her mirror with her hands placed impatiently on her hips.)  
  
(Meanwhile, Dib is wandering outside Gaz's dressing room.) Gaz? (he tries to open the door, but it's locked.) Gaz!  
  
(A sound is heard, as if someone is trying to push a button somewhere. There is some pounding and then silence.) The infernal trap door! Open to ZIM! I command you! (some more banging) Eh, er - (Zim gives up trying to open the trap door and smashes through the mirror, sending glass everywhere. He stands triumphantly at his accomplishment, wearing a white mask that only covers half his face and does not conceal his eyes. He is wearing a black cloak thing over his regular Invader outfit. He turns angrily to the broken glass on the floor and shakes his gloved fist.) Obey the mighty fist of the PHANTOM!  
  
Dib: (still locked out, frantic at hearing someone break into Gaz's dressing room.) That was Zim's voice! (starts pounding on the door.) Gaz, let me in! Don't trust the phantom!  
  
Zim: Eh? That was Dib! Filthy, interfering stinkbeast! We must FLEE! (he grabs a hold of Gaz's hand and pulls her into the mirror. Now they are deep under the opera house. They sort of sing while fleeing during this part.)  
  
Gaz: (looking a little pissed as always, but willing enough.) (singing) In sleep he sang to me, in dreams he came. That voice which calls to me, and speaks my name. And do I dream again, for now I find - the Phantom of the Opera is there, inside my mind.  
  
Zim: (in a menacing and commanding voice, trying to look as intimidating as possible while running/singing through the dark passageways) Sing once again with me, a strange duet. My POWER over you grows stronger yet! And though you turn from me to glance behind, the PHANTOM of the Opera is there, inside your mind.  
  
Gaz: Those who have seen your face draw back in fear. Behind that mask you wear -  
  
Zim: It's ME they hear!  
  
Zim & Gaz: My spirit and my voice in one combined! The Phantom of the Opera is there, inside your/my mind!  
  
Zim: In all your fantasy (ahem, GS2) you always knew - that Irken and mystery -  
  
Gaz: Were both in you! (points at him almost maliciously. Growls)  
  
Zim & Gaz: And in this labyrinth where night is light, the Phantom of the Opera is there, inside your/my mind!  
  
(They have now reached their destination. The underground lair looks suspiciously like Zim's laboratory, except there is an out-of-place looking organ smack dab in the middle of the room. Zim leaves Gaz's side and rushes over to it.)  
  
Zim: The lesson begins! SING! I command you to SING! SING! My ANGEL of MUSIC!  
  
Gaz: (giving him a funny look.) Angel? (rolls her eyes and begins to sing) He's there, the Phantom of the Opera!  
  
Zim: (now playing on the organ) YES! SING! SING! (laughs maniacally) SING!  
  
//Author's Note: Act 2 is soon to come. I'm not sure exactly where the Acts begin and end in the actual production - been years since I've seen it. However, this seems like a good place to stop considering Mom wants me to go to the grocery store. 


	2. Monocles

Disclaimer: I do not own anything from Invader Zim or the Phantom of the Opera.  
  
Act 2  
  
(Red and Purple are waiting around for the prima donna to show up. Red seems very bored while Purple is fiddling around with his monocle. A wicked grin appears on Red's face as he snatches his fellow owner's monocle away.)  
  
Purple: Hey! That's mine!  
  
(Red now proudly wears two monocles, one on each eye.)  
  
Red: Not any more!  
  
Purple: Yeah? Why should you get two monocles? Huh? Huh? Huh? (he tries to get his monocle back, but Red skillfully dodges him.)  
  
Red: I am twice the gentleman as you! Ha! Hrm? (he turns his head as Tak walks in. Purple takes the opportunity to snatch his monocle back.) Ah, good, you're here!  
  
Tak: Monsieur Tallest Red and Monsieur Tallest Purple!  
  
Purple: That's a mouthful....  
  
Tak: I've come to tell you that I refuse to sing anymore! It's become blaringly obvious that it's time for my retirement!  
  
Red: Retirement?  
  
Purple: You're leaving the opera?  
  
Tak: Yes! And it would appear you've already found my replacement! My Tallest, I humbly request that you choose between me and that HUMAN!  
  
Red: Think of your public!  
  
Purple: Think of the music!  
  
Tak: No, my Tallest. I will not accept anything other than the lead role!  
  
(Red and Purple lean towards eachother in conversation.)  
  
Red: She's been with the opera longer - maybe we should only give Gaz small roles from now on.  
  
Purple: But Gaz was really good last night! The audience was going wild!  
  
Red: But Tak has been popular in the past. She has established fandom!  
  
(Purple nods and they look back toward Tak.)  
  
Red: Okay, Tak. You get to have your way - Gaz only get the insignificant roles from now on. Senora, the universe wants you!  
  
Purple: Yeah, you can't leave us now! We have to pay off the big ass chandelier! (glares at Red.)  
  
(Just at that moment Dib runs onto the stage.)  
  
Dib: Monsieurs! There's an alien in the opera house! (skids to a halt and looks at Red, Purple, and Tak. Loosens his collar.) Um, er, I mean, there's a phantom in the opera house! (Both Red and Purple burst out in laughter.) No! It's true! He's got my sister!  
  
(Dib shakes his head dejectedly and begins to walk away.)  
  
Dib: I'll just wait until she comes back. (turns swiftly and shakes a fist.) I'm not crazy! (exit Dib.)  
  
Purple: You know what, that phantom thing reminds me - we should have a party.  
  
Red: (excited) A masquerade!  
  
Purple: Right, here's what we do. We give Tak the top role and throw a masquerade...  
  
Zim: (as disembodied voice yet again) SO! It is to be WAR between us? If these demands are not met, a disaster beyond your imagination will occur! Er, those demands being you give Gaz the top role - not Tak. ....yeah.  
  
Red: Man, this place is drafty!  
  
Tak: (shakes her head.) Okay, I'm leaving now. (exit Tak. exit Red and Purple.)  
  
(New Scene)  
  
(Dib has finally found Gaz and has led her to the roof of the opera house so as to get as far away from the underground as possible. Unbeknownst to him but knownst to us, Zim his hiding behind a large, ugly statue.)  
  
Dib: Gaz! Tell me what you know about Zim the Phantom!  
  
Gaz: Missed you too - well, not actually. (crosses her arms)  
  
Dib: Yeah, yeah, I know you're fine. But you won't be! Not with that ZIM lurking around doing his - stuff. (shifty eyes) What were you doing with him, anyway? He's an alien!  
  
Gaz: What do you think? He's giving me singing lessons.  
  
(Dib grapples his head again as if in mental pain.)  
  
Dib: ZIM is giving you singing lessons? HOW? Nevermind that - WHY?  
  
Gaz: Like I should know? (glares) It's none of your business.  
  
Dib: (at his wit's end) Fine. Fine. Just - tell me about his base!  
  
Gaz: (looking away) Find it yourself!  
  
Dib: Gaz! You've got to help me! If I can only expose him -  
  
Gaz: (remarkably unimpressed) Oh fine - it's by the lake under the theater.  
  
Dib: (somewhat befuddled) Wait. There's a lake under the theater?  
  
(Gaz takes a book out from somewhere titled The Phantom of the Opera)  
  
Gaz: ...apparently.  
  
Dib: ....weird.  
  
//Act 2 will be continued. 


	3. Red Death Strikes

Disclaimer: I do not own anything from Invader Zim or Phantom of the Opera.  
  
//Let's just forget about the who Act thing  
  
(The stage is dark. Smoke begins to bellow in and with a sudden pounding flare of music lasers begin to dance around in a brilliant display. Dozens of opera people arrive and begin to dance, all decked out in nifty costumes and festive masks. Red and Purple arrive. Red is dressed as a pirate and Purple is a skeleton - they still have the monocles. *notice all these seem to start with them - completely unintentional, I swear*)  
  
Red: We have outdone ourselves! What a great party! (begins to jig) We are SO almighty!  
  
Purple: Hm-mm (he is somewhat distracted, as he is using his monocle as a yo-yo. A sneaky grin spreads across Red's face and he tries to grab the monocle, but Purple pulls it up just in time.) Ha!  
  
Red: (pouty) Well, the party was MY idea.  
  
Purple: (leaning up to Red seductively before he snatches up a nacho) And what a splendid party! Quite a night, I confess.  
  
Red: (proudly) Well, one does one's best! Here's to us! (two brainfreezies come from nowhere and they tap them together before each taking a mighty slurp) It's too bad that (wiggles the claws on one claw) phantom person isn't here! (Red and Purple walk off somewhere.)  
  
(enter Dib and Gaz. Gaz had flatly refused to wear a costume, and didn't really want to come, but it was required of the crew. She concentrated on her GS2. Dib didn't wear much of a costume, only a little black mask he'd put on at the last minute. Come to think of it, him wearing that black trench coat, having black hair, and now the mask, he must look somewhat like Zorro.)  
  
Dib: I just know Zim's going to show up! I just know it!  
  
Gaz: Will you shut up?  
  
Dib: (rolls his eyes and decided to change the subject) So, you promise to come back home if I buy you this new - what was it called?  
  
Gaz: (growling) Vampire Piggy Hunter Ultra Gold III. I need it.  
  
Dib: Yeah, that and I don't eat the soda - and what else?  
  
Gaz: A car.  
  
Dib: I car! You aren't even old enough to drive!  
  
Gaz: Oh, I will be... (mind she is still playing her GS2)  
  
Dib: (giving her a strange look) Okaaay...  
  
(the music suddenly becomes ominous as a figure clad entirely in red descends on the party. It's Zim, wearing a red suit thing with a red cloak. On the back of his cloak it reads in yellow letters 'Do not touch me, I am the Red Death.*' Everyone screams as he runs past. Once he is gone people start looking at eachother, very confused.)  
  
Tak: (costumed as an Invader, of course) How DARE he ruin the party celebrating MY glorious return to the stage! I will make him PAY! It won't be revenge, mind, but he will pay!  
  
Gaz: (glancing around for a moment) No one will notice if I leave now, right? (she walks off, still playing her game.)  
  
(Just then a random stage hand is hung from the ceiling. He's been choked to death, and everyone is aghast. Zim's laughter is heard.)  
  
Zim: That's what you get for not obeying the might order of the PHANTOM!  
  
Red: (turning to Purple) This isn't good.  
  
Purple: No, not good.  
  
(Dib runs off in search of Zim the Phantom.)  
  
(Change of scene: Gaz is sitting in her dressing room, playing away at her game. The mirror is still broken and you see Zim delicately step into the room, avoiding the many shards of glass. He's back to his other outfit.)  
  
Zim: (smugly) Wishing I were somehow here again?  
  
Gaz: (annoyed that someone is interrupted her again) No.  
  
Zim: Er, well, you should be! (He runs up to her, picks her up, and runs back into the mirror. Dib runs in, sees Gaz's GS2 on the floor, and he chases after them. *things are going to get a little more Phantom-like from here on, so please excuse any OOCidness*)  
  
(Scene changes to the underground lair. Zim puts Gaz down. She is pissed.)  
  
Zim: You have come here in pursuit of your deepest urge! In pursuit of that which is silent. SILENT! BWA HA HA!  
  
Gaz: (shaking a fist as she slowly approaches) I didn't come here - you took me here. I am so going to throw you into a world of horrible suffering and pain.  
  
Zim: (now looking a bit intimidated, backing away.) We are past the point of no return! (as if this is a plea to keep her from harming him.) Past the point of no return! The games we've played 'till now are at an END!  
  
Gaz: (looking very scary and mad.) We're past the point of no return alright -  
  
(Zim is saved as Dib runs into the lair.)  
  
Zim: (supremely pleased and relieved, as Dib is blocking Gaz's way. He begins to walk around Dib in a menacing fashion.) Wait - I think my dear we have a guest! Sir, this is indeed and unparalleled delight. I had rather hoped that you would come. And now my wish comes true - you have surely made my night!  
  
Dib: Free her you alien SCUM!  
  
Zim: (to Gaz) You're stink-brother makes a passionate plea.  
  
Gaz: (seething, fists still clenched, ready to attack.) (to herself) He won't be the only one passionate..........  
  
Dib: Gaz! Gaz! Let me see her!  
  
Zim: Be my guest, Sir. (points behind Dib) She's right over there.  
  
(When Dib turns around to make sure his sister is alright, Zim gets a rope out of nowhere and lassoes him around the neck as if to hang him. How cool is that!)  
  
Dib: (confused) Where did you learn to do THAT?  
  
Zim: Pitiful Earth-worm! Do not question the AMAZING abilities of ZIM! (composes himself) Monsieur, I bid you welcome. Did you think that I would harm her? Why should I make her pay for the sins which are YOURS! YOU FILTHY HUUUMAN! Raise up your hand to the level of your eyes, ROTTEN STINK BEAST!  
  
Dib: (still looking confused, but disgruntled at being caught) Why should I do that?  
  
Zim: (shrugs, making a sound to the tone of 'I don't know.')  
  
Gaz: (thinking to herself) I can make Zim pay now for abducting me, but then he won't kill my brother - Hmmm.... I think I'll wait. Just this once.  
  
Dib: What do you want, ZIM? Are you using my sister in a plan for world conquest?  
  
Zim: Hardly, you idiotic stickbeast!  
  
Dib: Are you trying to get back at your Tallest for sending you on a bogus mission?  
  
Zim: Wrong again, you worthless human!  
  
Dib: (now thinking hard) He certainly couldn't just want to get under my sister's skirt, could he?  
  
Zim: (losing his temper) REPULSIVE HUMAN! You don't know what you're talking about! Filthy (begins kicking and clawing at the air) nya! uh! grrrr!  
  
Dib: (wide eyed) So you ARE after my sister!  
  
(this latest twist has caused Gaz to forget about Zim killing her brother - she can do the job very well herself. She proceeds to attack both - a cloud 'fighting dust' being kicked up in the air. When the dust clears Dib and Zim are beaten and bruised, tied together with the rope that was hanging on Dib's neck all this time. She brushes herself off and begins to stalk away.)  
  
THE END  
  
* The Red Death costume thing is actually in the novel, but I think it's great. Anyone know that poem? 


End file.
